Why is it that no matter how bad we don't want to act a certain way, or say certain things, we end up doing exactly what we hate?
I find that the most difficult struggles in my life are those small things about myself that I so want to change but I fail time and time again at changing them. It's the lack of patience, irritability that comes up at times, and as much as I hate that part of myself, it seems impossible to change.
God has shown me those small things that need work in my character not too long ago, and I want to work on improving in those areas. I want a gentle and quiet spirit. I want to be completely loving and patient 24/7, 365. Is that a goal that is even attainable? lol
I can relate so much with Paul in Romans 7 when he writes, "15 I do not understand myself. I want to do what is right but I do not do it. Instead, I do the very thing I hate. 16 When I do the thing I do not want to do, it shows me that the Law is right and good. 17 So I am not doing it. Sin living in me is doing it. 18 I know there is nothing good in me, that is, in my flesh. For I want to do good but I do not. 19 I do not do the good I want to do. Instead, I am always doing the sinful things I do not want to do. 20 If I am always doing the very thing I do not want to do, it means I am no longer the one who does it. It is sin that lives in me."
Well if Paul had this struggle, I must be doomed right? lol. No I don't believe so, because he finishes this chapter with these words, "25 God’s Law has power over my mind, but sin still has power over my sinful old self. I thank God I can be free through Jesus Christ our Lord!"
So we can gain freedom from these areas in our lives through Jesus Christ our Lord. I will keep getting up when I fall and fighting to become the person Christ wants me to be...I believe perfection only comes in the resurrection when God brings us home. But until then, I will keep fighting this flesh and sinful nature. I can't give up hope. "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:13)
